Till the Moon's Upside Down
by ilive4thursdays
Summary: A rewritten ending of episode 6x12 Remorse; House and Cuddy. Lucas wasn't in Cuddy's office when House went to apologize to her. Enjoy! *finally last chapter added! super late! sorry guys! M for last chapter
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys. So when I watched last weeks new episode the final scene completely broke my heart. I finally decided House and Cuddy both deserved to have that talk with one another so I came up with this. At the end of the episode House is about to enter Cuddy's office, with Fiona Apple's lovely song 'Why Try to Change me Now' in the background, but Lucas is in her office, laughing and snuggling with Cuddy so House doesn't go in. Well what if Lucas hadn't been there?

This is not a one shot..I have the next few chapters ready- that is, if you'd like them :) Nevertheless this will be a short story most likely. I'm thinking less than ten chapters. But then again who knows. This is my first House MD fanfic story and I wanted to start posting it asap because I figure it'll motivate me to finish the chapters I'm working on now.

Thanks and hopefully enjoy!

Madeline

* * *

_'I'm sentimental so I walk in the rain,_

_I've got some habits even I can't explain,_

_I go to the corner, I end up in Spain,_

_Why try to change me now?'_

She smiled as she finally finished reviewing old performance reviews from the past year. Looking at the time on her computer she blinks a few times, shocked at how late the time has gotten.

Sitting up a little straighter in her desk, she turns off her computer yawning slightly. She reaches for her cell phone before she hears her office door open.

Looking up she rolls her eyes. "House. What can I do for you now?"

He shrugs, to himself it seems, and walks further into her office. "Can we talk for a second?"

Cuddy stands and begins to walk to the corner for her jacket. "Sure."

"Are you...going somewhere? If it's too late.."

"As long as it's quick I'm all ears." She smiles slightly and sits back in her chair behind her desk.

Silence fills the room, a silence that's neither awkward or pleasant but unused to. "House," Cuddy sighs, her voice not void of exhaustion from a long day, "If this is going to take-"

"I'm sorry." he almost whispers it, but it's just loud enough for Cuddy to make out.

"Oh." Cuddy replies just as softly. She's surprised at first, and the thought, _Since when does House apologize?_ enters her mind quickly but suddenly she remembers.

"If it's about the photographs, don't worry about it. I can fix them I just- well I'd rather I didn't _need_ to fix them but knowing you-"

"I wasn't talking about the photos."

And now Lisa's truly confused. "Well then what-"

"I'm sorry for what I said about you and Rachel. For what I called you two the night I hallucinated."

_Go suck on the little bastard child that makes you feel good about yourself._

The sentence comes as quickly to Cuddy's mind as it does to House's.

She says nothing for a couple seconds, letting the memory register. Finally House continues.

"I'm sorry for the shouting I did off the banister last year. And I'm sorry for-"

"House." she interrupts, her voice is still soft but weaker now. "Why are you doing this?"

"Why am I apologizing?"

"Well.." She looks around the room with her palm against her cheek, avoiding his eye contact. She regains control and looks back at him. "Why are you apologizing now?"

"You deserve it."

"Are you..feeling guilty?"

"No." he says. And Cuddy sighs, _Of course he doesn't feel guilty_.

"No." he repeats, "If I was feeling guilty then I wouldn't be doing this for you. I'd be doing...saying this for me." He sighs and then continues, "I'm apologizing because I treated you horribly last year. And-"

He stops, and Cuddy can sense he's nervous.

"I was wrong. Wilson told me that..I push people away and-"

"He's been saying that for years." Cuddy sighed, smiling slightly. "He's right."

"I didn't realize it then." He breathes. "And I'm so sorry."

There's a pause, Lisa debates moving closer to him, to touch his shoulder or something but stays put. Finally she says, "House you can't- you weren't well. You were sick."

"Did I hurt you?" he says abrubtly.

She meets his eyes again, involuntary tears spring into her eyes. She regains her composure, hiding her eyes the best she can. "Yes."

He looks down at the ground, nodding.

"But House," and now she can't avoid his presence as she moves closer to him, "You weren't well. You had a drug problem."

"It's no excuse." House says. "I know how I acted. I was afraid and I took that all out on you."

"Afraid?" Cuddy smiles, "You're never afraid."

He laughs lightly, happy the mood has lightened. "I was of you."

Lisa's shocked at his honesty. "Of me?"

"Of us." he nods. "You gave me every chance and I blew it. And I'm sorry for that, but mostly I'm sorry for how I treated you. Even if I was a drug addict it doesn't justify my actions."

Cuddy inhales deeply, touched by his words. "Thank you."

"Hmm." he sighs. "It's late..I'm sorry I kept you."

"No it's okay." she turns, hiding her eyes again afraid they'll betray her. Picking up her purse, she sets it on the desk to get her keys out as House starts to leave her office. Pushing her chair into her desk, her keys fall onto it. She leans to pick them up-

_Your mother sent it? That's very nice of her._

_No. My mother has no idea I'm redoing my office._

"House." she breathes.

He turns and looks back at her.

"I never.." she pauses, "Thank you for the desk."

He stares at her, a look that makes something flutter in Cuddy. "You're welcome."

House leaves her office, Lisa soon following. On her drive home she knows she should be excited to see Rachel and thinking about spending her night with Lucas, but House won't seem to exit her mind.

* * *

Say the word and chapter 2's up.

Meaning, review if you can!


	2. Chapter 2

Wow, thank you so much for the reviews. I'm pretty touched as I was very unsure about writing a House fic. To be completely honest it wasn't till last year I got into House. Sure, I've always loved medicine but whenever I watched an episode nothing really ever enticed me to complete an episode so it wasn't until I pushed myself to watch the season 5 finale last year that I realized this is a show I need to watch- and not only that, but this is a show that's brilliant. (It's also very important to watch a show episode to episode in order in my opinion-makes a big difference). So yeah, I watched that, waited over the summer for season 6, bought seasons 1-3 (off amazon by the way..good deal) for christmas and recently had a birthday and got season 4 and 5. Anyways I've seen almost every episode (there are some from S5 I have yet to watch) so while I'm still a newbie (kind of) I was a little worried I'd write characters essentially out of character which is something I hate! I'm glad that wasn't the case and you guys liked the first chapter!

Because of these wonderful reviews, and I was gonna post chapter 2 tomorrow by the way, I'm going to post it now. Enjoy :)

Madeline

*Please note that I am not a doctor. Any medicine is completely made up and may possibly (and probably) be inaccurate. Thanks!

**I realized I forgot to include my disclaimer last chapter so here's my disclaimer for this entire story:**

**Disclaimer: House MD is all David Shore's. I do not own any of the characters.**

* * *

The week went by quicker than usual for Lisa. Strangely, paperwork hadn't pilled up, the staff was all getting along, and the clinic had a good average of patients admitted and seen. She couldn't help but think House's attitude or demeanor had a part to do with some of this. He hadn't been avoiding her, he hadn't been rude or mean. He was still himself; conniving, sarcastic and radical, but something about him had changed. Speaking of House-

"Boss!"

"Yes?" Cuddy smiled, putting her pen down as House sat across from her.

"Need a biopsy."

"For...?"

"My patient." he stated, folding his hands on his lap. "He needs a biopsy. I'd hate for him to skedaddle."

"And if...." she starts, looking through his patients file, "Mr. Levin doesn't get this biopsy, he'll die?"

"Yes." he nods, setting his feet up on the side of her desk, and Lisa notices he purposely tries _not_ to knock anything over.

"The brain biopsy's dangerous. Have you checked for intercranial bleeding?"

House nods, "He had that. We releived the pressure. Now we're worried about auto immune. We'd like to rule out other possibilities. And he's old so-"

She laughs harshly, "Oh he's old so what's the risk??"

"Ehhhh no. That'd be a bad argument right?"

She smiles and puts her legs up on the desk as well. "Ehhh, yeah."

"In that case, if we don't narrow this down fast we're worried his lungs won't make it due to the build up of fluid in his other organs. And because he's 73.."

"I get it, I get it. He won't be able to handle the pressure because he's old." She sighs but can't refrain her slight smile. It'd been awhile since her and House could interact the way they used to. "Go ahead."

"Yes! Gee, thanks." House smiles but makes no indication of leaving.

"Are you staying?"

"I was actually just wondering how your day was going." And he says this with no sarcasm; just simply leans back on the chair and smiles.

"It's going okay, thanks." Lisa can't help but be surprised although she tries to hide it and smirks, "How's yours?"

"Good." And he starts to stand. "Better once we get this Gramps up and at them."

Cuddy laughs and returns back to her paperwork.

"It was good to see you." And before Cuddy can register what he says he's out the door.

_Good to see me?_

She finishes her last file and decides to figure out what's going on with House.

"Wilson?" she breathes, walking into his office.

"Lisa, hi."

"Can we talk?"

"Yeah, sure." He sets down his papers as Cuddy sits, the shocked expression still on her face from what House had said to her earlier. "Is there something wrong?"

"No," she shakes her head, "What's going on with House?"

"He's not on Vicodin if that's what you're asking."

"No, no, he just- he's different. He doesn't seem-"

"He's still miserable Cuddy."

She nods, "But he's changed."

"You've just noticed?"

"Well...we haven't been talking really, but a few days ago he just walked into my office and..and I don't know. He said some things and it's almost like we're are okay again so I was just wondering if you said-"

"Wait he came and talked to you?"

"Yeah. He...apologized."

Wilson smiles, "Finally he listens."

"You told him to?"

"He wanted to. I just suggested it."

Cuddy sighs, "Wilson, he apologized for everything last year. He didn't need to."

"Yes he did, and you're glad he did." he stated. "Cuddy, House is changing. He has changed. He's...different."

"And I realize that but..how did, what did you tell him to-"

"I told him what he needed to hear."

"Which was?"

He sighed, "House..he wasn't himself last year. Well he was but he did things.."

"Over the line?" Cuddy laughed.

"Yes. And they were mainly rude remarks towards you."

"I can handle myself Wilson. I mean I appreciate it, I do, but you didn't have to say anything to him."

"I had no idea he followed through to you." Wilson sighed. "And I know you can but you deserved multiple apologies. You loved him and he treated you-"

"Wait, wait, wait. You told him I loved him?"

Wilson rolled his eyes as Cuddy stood. "Come on Lisa. You're gonna tell me you weren't in love with him?" And silence follows his question as Cuddy sits back in the chair.

"He loved you too."

Cuddy felt the familiar tears come to her eyes. _Damn it._ "Don't say that."

"You know he did."

"No I don't. And I hope he didn't because then.." she stopped.

"Then it means you guys missed your chance?" he asks, as Cuddy nods weakly and began to move to leave his office.

"It doesn't mean that." he breathed.

"Well then what does it mean Wilson?" she says frustrated.

He shrugs, "The timing was off. He was high off vicoden. No matter how much you two wanted...something, it wouldn't have worked. House was gonna end up in that facility eventually. You know that Lisa. You're just using the 'missing your chance' thing as an excuse."

"An excuse for what? Being with Lucas?"

He shrugged, "You brought Lucas up, not me. I don't want to argue with you Cuddy. Do what makes you happy. I want you to be happy."

She nods, "I am happy."

"Good." Wilson smiled as he turns to his computer. Cuddy opens his door to leave, wondering if Wilson's response is halfhearted.

* * *

I'll update soon :D Thanks for reading/reviewing!


	3. Chapter 3

It's been over a week! I'm so sorry! Life got in the way. My family's moving so I've been doing a lot of packing this week. I promise (or at least am very hopeful) that I will update again within the week, haha. Have a good one!

Madeline

On a side note, I really liked Cuddy's episode last week. I definitely think there should be another Cuddy-centric one (or at least more Cuddy screen time in general). Even the Lucas scenes I liked (believe it or not) because I think if anyone is a Luddy fan that episode should've..ehh idk, snapped them out of it, let's say. That episode, for me anyway, just demonstrated how wrong they are for one another. Maybe I'm crazy, and I'm not a Lucas hater either by the way! Haha. It's just my opinion. No new episode this week??

**Disclaimer: House MD is all David Shore's. I do not own any of the characters.**

* * *

The weekend has finally approached as Lisa packs up her belongings for the evening. She's had a relatively pleasant week, a fact that once again is most likely do to House and her getting along again. She suddenly hears her office door open and turns.

"Need help with anything?"

Cuddy smiles, "I'm okay thanks," as she finishes putting some papers in her briefcase.

"No problem." House says, taking a seat on one of her couches.

She sets her bags down by her office door and takes a seat on one of the chairs. "Good work on the case today."

"Another patient saved. Plus clinic duty. I'm thinking I deserve some kind of reward." he says raising his eyebrows.

Cuddy flushes slightly, worried he's implying something with her.

"I like chocolate ice cream." he smiles.

She laughs, "Remind me next week."

"Seriously?" And they both smile. "Big plans for the weekend?"

"I wanted to take Rachel sledding. She's never been. I'm worried she's not old enough for it yet."

He nods, "I always loved sledding."

"Really?" she laughs, "I always hated it."

"What?!? How can anyone hate sledding?"

"I don't know." Lisa shrugged. "I know, I just did. I was always afraid I'd be squashed when coming down the hills."

He laughed, "Wimp."

"Thanks." she said sarcastically and smiled. "Any big plans for you?"

"Well now I think I might take Wilson sledding."

"Ha Ha Ha. Very funny. Maybe I'll just make Lucas take Rachel." And as Cuddy says his name she can't help but notice House's face drop slightly.

"That'd be convenient." he said.

Cuddy silently curses herself for bringing him up, now upset about the awkwardness that's come between them.

"Wilson met a girl." House suddenly says.

"Did he?" she asked, relieved the topic had moved on from Lucas.

"She lives in our apartment complex- thought Wilson and I were gay."

At this she can't contain her laughter. "Well you are two guys over 30 living together."

"That's what I said." he smiles.

"I think I want to meet this woman." Cuddy jokes.

"Don't you have to be getting home to Lucas?" At House's mention of Lucas, Cuddy freezes.

"Oh. Well...yeah."

"Hmm.." he sighs, "How's that going by the way?"

"What?"

"You and Lucas." he says as Cuddy stares at him. "I'm just curious."

She nods, thinking of what to say exactly. "It's going well."

House smirks, "Sorry am I not allowed to ask?"

"Don't be ridiculous House."

He shrugs, "You just don't seem like you want to talk about him."

"It's not that I don't want to talk about him. I just don't want to talk about him with.." and her voice fades.

"With...me?" he sighs.

She looks at the ground. "I don't know. Fine what do you want to know?"

"No, it's okay. Forget I asked." House can sense from her tone she's mad and feels he needs to get off the subject.

She stands, places her pen on the desk as she begins pacing dramatically. "No seriously. What do you wanna know? If the sex is any good? If we're getting serious?"

She senses him cringe at the mention of sex with Lucas but she's too mad and annoyed to realize she's actually hurt him.

"Is that what this is about?" he finally says, still sitting.

"What?" she breathes. "The sex? You're so interested if I'm satisfied because all you care about is my body-"

"Lisa!" he says sternly. "You're an idiot." he says softly.

She shakes her head, "Excuse me?!"

And now he's angry, "You still think all my feelings towards you are just about sex??"

"I.." but the words stop and she sees his anger turn to hurt.

"God, were you even listening to anything I said at the 80's dance?"

_I was going to call you, figure out where things would go from there. That was the morning I got expelled from my first med school..and there didn't seem to be any point._

She nods, still frozen in place.

"You just walked away." he says softly. "I figured you knew what I was saying. It wasn't about the sex. It was about you. And that scared you."

"House.."

"When I kissed you after Joy.."

"Stop. Please stop." but he continues and Cuddy can feel her eyes moisten.

"I came back. The next night I was gonna say..hell I don't even know what I was going to say but it doesn't matter now. Because I screwed it up..whatever this" and he gestures with his hand to indicate them, "was. I guess I could've imagined it. Hell I hallucinated a night with you..but it wasn't just sex. You were there for me. You didn't leave or complain. You were.." he sighs. "You were perfect." he says after some silence. "I know it wasn't real but had I, had I been different back then maybe we could've....maybe we could've tried."

She stares at him as he stares right back. They're both standing with a small table between them. She's grateful for that table; for keeping the space between them.

Tears fall freely down her cheeks now as she can't stop them. "House please stop."

A look of recognition appears on his face. "That's why you're so angry with me, isn't it?"

Lisa looks at him confused as she whips a tear off her cheek and he starts moving closer to her.

"It's the reason why after I found out about Lucas you've been so...so mad at me. Angry....mean almost. For awhile it hasn't made any logical sense but.." and a look of recognition hits his face, "You're mad because I left, I ruined that small chance we had last year and now you have Lucas who's..." he pauses, now standing in front of her. "Lisa I'm sure he's great. He's the better guy. But you're mad because you still wonder 'What if?" I left..you had no other choice because I...I was a jerk. I was the person you wanted, yet I never followed through."

She looks up at him and they stare into each others eyes. It's harsh at first but eventually softens.

"Man, I really screwed us up." he whispered as Cuddy stayed silent.

"I don't deserve you." he finally says. "I never even deserved a chance."

"House." she says, silencing him. "I have him." she can't help but say.

"Do you want him?" he softly asked.

She swallows, and her eyes dart to the ground. "Yes."

"Okay." he nods, "I'm glad."

"You're glad?" she asks surprised.

He laughs slightly, "Wilson told me..." and he sighs pushing himself to get this out. "Wilson told me last year that I was afraid.."

"So you told me." she whispers.

He continues, "If I couldn't make it work with you..maybe I couldn't make it work with anyone."

She feels herself take a sharp intake of breath as she turns and walks back behind her desk, turning away from him so he can't see her let go of more tears.

"That's not true." she manages.

"Yeah.." he sighs, "That's what I thought too."

She turns back towards him quickly, his honesty once again shocking her.

"Look Cuddy, my point is that I'm glad you're able to find someone that makes it work. I'm glad that for you there's someone else. I don't want you to be miserable."

_I don't want you to be miserable either._ She wants to say, but doesn't.

"I don't know what to say." she whispers.

"Don't." he shakes his head. "You don't have to say anything. We'll make this work. This week's been okay, right?" as he tries to smirk at her, his face still aching of sadness. All she can do is nod as he walks to the door with his hand on the nob and turns away from her.

"You really love him?" he asks a finally.

"House" she whispers, beginning to approach him.

"If you're happy I'm..." and he pauses. "happy." he breathes, and he leaves her office and the hospital for the night.

* * *

I know. Kinda sad. And it's Valentine's Day right?!? (Even though I've never believed it's a real holiday!) Again I'm sorry this wasn't posted sooner guys. Review please and I will try my best to update again today or tomorrow as I'm off of work and school. Thanks :)


	4. Chapter 4

Umm..I'm so sorry! Busy week and for the past 2 days I've had limited internet access so I apologize. This chapter is a little longer though so maybe you guys will forgive me? :)

I will update again...let's say sometime this week. I think there's only just a few chapters more I'm planning to carry on this story.

I'm gone the rest of the weekend so have a good one!

Madeline

--

She drove home with tears in her eyes. Tears she refused to let fall..or at least, refused to let fall again. Lisa didn't cry. She was strong and stoic and..well around House today she hadn't been because he had been honest. He had actually behaved like a human being. They'd had a real conversation.

_He really has changed since Mayfield. _She thought to herself, pulling into her driveway and sighing when she saw Lucas car. They didn't officially live together but she knew he had been working up the courage to ask to move in. The thought _Why haven't I asked him? e_ntered her mind but she erased it quickly. Sure, they'd been dating a few months, well probably more; she selfishly didn't like counting those three months House had been in rehab.

_You didn't cheat on him._ She told herself this constantly and yet..it still felt like she had.

Now she was in her garage as she turned the ignition off but couldn't seem to will herself out of the vehicle yet.

_Just a few more minutes._ Lisa had to check her make up anyway. It probably smeared.

_I'm glad you're able to find someone that makes it work...that for you there's someone else. _

Lisa took a deep breath, trying to forget all he had said.

_I don't want you to be miserable._

Did House really believe there was no one else for him? And an even bigger question..Is Lucas really that someone else_?_ Could he replace House?

_Of course,_ she thought to herself. _He's House. We were never together. Lucas isn't replacing him..he isn't replacing anything._

The thought saddens her as she makes her way through the front door, surprised to hear silence as she figured her baby would still be up.

_Darn it, I wanted to say goodnight to her._

It was a little past 8, much later than she was usually getting home. She saw Lucas shoes resting by the front table when she set her bag and purse down. It was good she had him. Marina got to leave on time for once as she was only on the clock till 630 every night.

"Lisa?" she hears him ask.

"Hi!" She says enthusiastically, yet not loud enough to wake Rachel. Lisa had a feeling Rachel was coming down with something anyway so no way did she risk waking her.

_Hopefully it's not the flu._

"Sorry I'm late." she breathed, walking into her kitchen and hearing him come down the hall. She poured herself a glass of water and sat down by the counter.

"Lucas?" she asked, confused when he didn't come into the kitchen to greet her.

"Yeah, sorry I'm in the living room. Come and join me." he said sweetly.

_See this is what I need. Nice and dependable. Lucas is everything I need and more- _And Cuddy's thought process stopped there when she entered the living room and saw Lucas down on one knee.

"Hi," he smiled, "I hope work went well..so anyway, here we go," and he scooted closer to Lisa and grabbed her hand when she didn't approach him. "I've wanted to do this for some time now.."

Her mind was going a thousand miles..a billion miles a second. What was he doing? Why now? Why tonight? But this was where their relationship was going right?

"Lisa you're beautiful and wonderful and..I've gotta be one lucky son of a bitch to come home to you and Rachel every night.."

What was she suppose to do? Her brain couldn't process anything anymore. She could barely even listen, let alone hear him. _Calm down!_ She tried to tell herself, but nothing seemed to be working. She simply stood there, frozen.

"What I'm trying to say is that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.."

Her heart stopped, not in a good way- and she realized that immediately- as he pulled out the tiny box. At that moment she wanted to kick or throw or hell, break the thing but she was still physically frozen.

"Lisa, I love you, and I-"

And suddenly she wasn't frozen as she blinked and interrupted him.

"_You really love him?" _House had asked her.

"No!" she sighed, not in an angry tone, but in a sure one.

The room went silent with her declaration.

Lucas stared at her. He was frozen now. "What?" he murmured.

"No. No. I can't." She shook her head now, afraid a panic attack would start as she backed away from him quickly, needing space.

He stood, "I don't..Lisa I don't understand."

She regained control of her breathing as she finally took in his appearance. He had on his nice slacks and a tie. She noticed a bouque of yellow roses on the desk behind him. _He got dressed up..damn it!_ she thought, now feeling the guilt.

"I'm so sorry." she breathed but Lucas shook his head.

"I thought..I thought things were going okay. I mean, hell, I thought things we're going pretty fucking great."

He didn't look mad. He looked distraught. He looked shocked and in some sort of pain. Lisa thought those two emotions would be better than the first but she instantly realized she was wrong. For what felt like forever he stared at her as she thought of what to say next.

"I..I can't." Tears fell from her face and she cursed herself for letting herself crack once again. "Lucas.." as she tried to approach him.

"I don't understand. I thought this would be what you wanted."

"It was!" she sighed, feeling more exhausted than ever before.

"And what? It's just not anymore?"

He looked completely confused and Cuddy couldn't blame him. What was wrong with her? Why didn't she want this?

"I guess...I guess I just- maybe I don't want to get married." When she said this a part of her ached, knowing that couldn't be true.

"So..so what? You want it to stay like this for the next 40 years? I come over and basically play the Nanny slash Boyfriend?"

"No Lucas, no of course not." She could tell his temper was rising and couldn't blame him. She wasn't really making much sense.

"Well I don't get it. I don't understand. Are you saying you never want to get married?"

She paused before saying, "No." and she looked down toward the ground.

He nodded, before a look of recognition overtook his face, "You just don't want to marry me? You don't want to spend the next 40 years with me, do you?"

She said nothing, but if she was really honest with herself she knew her answer. _N__o._

"Forget it. I think you've just answered the question."

She grabbed his arm before he could leave, forcing him to face her.

"It wouldn't be fair!" she finally sighed. "I can't marry you. I want you to be happy...I want to make you happy."

"You do!" he smiled. "Don't I make you happy?"

"You do," she nodded trying to say what she wanted, "But..happiness, it's not enough."

He sighed, "This is a mistake. You're being silly."

"No," she shook her head strongly, "this is the truth. You make me and Rachel..you're wonderful to us- especially to her and you have no idea how grateful I am for that. But if I married you..it wouldn't be fair. I can't marry you because you're what Rachel needs. You do too much and I...I need someone who's more than just there for my daughter...but..and I know it sounds crazy.."

"Oh god." Lucas sighed. "You still love him don't you? You can't love me because you love House."

She blinked quickly, surprised he brought him up, "This has nothing to do with him."

He nodded, "Okay. Sure. Look if we're finished here I'll be on my way. It's..I can't listen to you go on and on about how you're not good enough for me or..or whatever you're trying to say. The truth is Lisa you're more than good enough for me, hell, you're too good for me. But you're making up excuses for him and for yourself just like you did in the beginning of our relationship and you know what, it'll never end. It'll never end because you're for his craziness. You crave his craziness and that'll never change will it?"

She surprised herself when she found herself shaking her head, "Lucas.." she whispered, his words hitting her.

He nodded, "Goodbye Lisa." And with that he was gone.

Lisa returned back to her living room, still seeing the yellow roses. She quickly picked them up and through them in the garbage, sick of seeing them. Another perfectly fine relationship ruined except this time it wasn't completely House who had screwed it up..it was her.

Was Lucas right? Did she love him? Well let's be honest, did she _still_ love him?

_Yeah,_ she thought, _I think I probably do. How screwed up is that?_

Before she could think about him more she heard the loud cries of her daughter. She ran to her room and sure enough, Rachel felt extraordinarily warm.

"Fever," she breathed, "Aw baby, I was hoping you wouldn't get sick."

She rocked her daughter carefully before starting a bath to cool her down. She quickly gave Rachel some Ibuprofen and rinsed her aching body. Once she got Rachel down again she looked at the clock. It was only 9:15. _Lucas must have left earlier than I thought._

She picked up her cell and gave Wilson a call, knowing he'd still be up. She was definitely taking the day off and with her increase in 12% from the Atlantic Net Insurance she'd won over last week, she knew the Board would let her have one day off. Rachel probably had the flu..and she wasn't entirely interested in going in for personal reasons. She needed to get over this thing with Lucas..plus there was a certain someone she wasn't ready to see yet.

"Hello?"

"Hey Wilson, it's Cuddy. I'm not coming in tomorrow..Rachel has a fever and I'm worried she might have the flu so I'm gonna take the day off."

"Okay.." he said, sounding a little unsure, "That's not a problem. Do you need anything?"

"No, I just wanted to see if we could reschedule our meeting with Mr. Williams for another day..possibly Friday?"

"Oh of course, I'll give Bruce a call early tomorrow morning. He just had a few questions about his wife's financial plan but I'll ask if we can do the later date. No problem. You deserve a break anyway."

_I'm not sure I deserve anything,_ she thought sadly to herself as she sighed, "Okay, thanks."

"Lisa, you don't sound okay. Are you sure you don't need anything?"

"I'm just exhausted but I'll be okay." Wilson was always such a sweetheart and scary-good at reading people. "Thank you though." And the sound of Rachel awakening again forced her to end the call, "That's Rachel, I have to go."

"Okay, talk to you later."

"Goodnight." she breathed, as she raced to once again tend to her daughter, knowing Rachel wouldn't be the only one not getting any sleep tonight.

--

When I get back from the Seton Hall/Marquette game it'd be awesome to get some reviews! Thanks guys!


	5. Chapter 5

So you all probably hate me right now...haha. Although wait ive come back! Seriously though, sorry this took so long. This is one of the reasons I rarely write new stories because I'm always so busy to update! But here you go...hope everyone had a nice Easter!

Madeline

--

The past two days had been hell. Not only did Cuddy take yesterday off but she had taken today off as well. Luckily Rachel's fever was now steadily decreasing. Finally.

Marina apparently got the same flu as Rachel because she had called this morning to ask Lisa what she'd like her to do. Cuddy obviously didn't want Marina to come over ill, so she called Wilson again this morning letting him know she'd be taking one more day off.

Wow. It had been the first 2 days off she'd taken since..well a really long time. Wilson had told her not to worry about it but she couldn't help it. After all the hospital was basically her second child. She rocked Rachel quietly as she fussed slightly.

"Come on baby girl, try to sleep," she shushed her.

Lisa supposed it had been a good thing she had taken today off. She had had no time to shower let alone change her clothes this morning with Rachel's cries and refusals to nap. Hell, she herself had barely slept last night although she was used to sometimes not getting a great amount of sleep. The other night had definitely been more painful though. Two days ago, when Lucas left, she'd slept alone for the first time in what felt like forever. Sure, there'd been nights when Lucas was out late for a stake out and Cuddy could certainly sleep alone in bed, but back then she had at least known she had someone. Someone who would be coming home to her. Now there was no one. She was alone. Again.

Did she miss Lucas? Sure. It was nice having that someone. But she didn't regret what she'd done. It would've been wrong to accept his proposal. She wasn't in it for the same reasons he was. _Plus it's hard to marry someone when you're in love with someone else. _The thought entered Lisa's mind before she could stop it. She internally groaned. _Oh god._

It wasn't a surprise. Of course she loved House. Everyone had known it but her. Everyone suspected it besides her. Or perhaps she just hadn't been ready to admit it.

Rachel began squirming again and Lisa tried to muffle her own moan.

"Come on Rach, aren't you tired?" But Rachel's cries didn't stop.

Cuddy rocked her gently again and began pacing back and forth the living room. She froze when she heard a knock at her door.

Her first response naturally had been that it was Lucas but that knock did not sound like his knock. It sounded like...but what could he be doing here? Did he come to see her in the aftermath of her break up?

The judgment was unfair and Cuddy knew it. House had changed. He was still him, but he was different. And she knew it was all the better for him.

She walked towards the door, her movements causing Rachel to cry softer. And as Cuddy opened the door she couldn't help the tingling, racing feeling in her chest at the thought of seeing him, especially after certain realizations.

"Hi." he smiled softly, "How ya been?"

She rolled her eyes and smiled, "Awesome."

He chuckled at her sarcastic attitude as he entered her house. "Wow." he murmured looking around her house.

"Yeah, it's a bit of a mess. This one's been keeping me quite busy." she sighed, nodding to Rachel.

"You look it." he smiled.

"Oh god!" she breathed, realizing she still had on yesterdays pj's and probably had food in her hair or something. "I'm a complete mess."

He laughed, "Cuddy I'm kidding. Guess I'm not used to you in anything but fancy suits."

"True," she nodded, "I still look like a mess though."

"Well go fix yourself up!" he grinned.

"You make it sound so simple." she rolled her eyes, bouncing Rachel on her hip trying to keep her crying to the minimum.

"I'm serious," House nodded, "I'll watch her."

She laughed, "That's ok..."

"Bah." Rachel interrupted, looking at House.

Cuddy smiled, "Well aren't you being friendly?"

"See she already likes me. Come on Cuddy we'll be fine. Go shower.. I heard all about the kid being ill and figured you probably needed some help." And with this he set his cane against the door, through off his jacket and took Rachel easily from Cuddy. Much to her surprise Rachel didn't fuse but instead looked at the man with curiosity as they shuffled to the couch. "I don't mind." he stressed.

"I...okay." Lisa was speechless, not used to his gesture. "Thanks."

"Yep." he said, before turning on the tv and letting Rachel rest her head on his chest. Cuddy took one more glance before heading towards her room, grabbing sweatpants and a t-shirt, before getting into the shower.

She let the water heat up, feeling it every couple of seconds until it was warm enough. As she rinsed her hair she couldn't believe House had done this. Why, she did not know but she was determined to find out what really had him come knocking at her door at 10 o'clock at night.

She washed her hair and body before stepping out and drying. She put on her clean clothes and let her hair run naturally curly down her back as she headed back into her living room.

She immediately saw House with Rachel, a small smile on her face, surprising Cuddy.

"..and that one there is a daffodil and of course more daises..."

"House!" Cuddy smiled, and he turned startled by her presence. "Are you watching _The Secret Garden_?"

He looked at her timidly, a smile then lighting his face as he saw her appearance. Lisa felt a slight blush rush to her cheeks as they stared at each other. He laughed slightly.

"Can you blame me? It's almost 10:30. Not much is really on. Plus..this is a good movie!"

"Whatever you say," she giggled. "Wow." Cuddy murmured, noticing Rachel's sleepy eyes. "I think you put her to sleep!"

"Look at that," he whispered, "Easy."

She smirked, "Yeah, beginners luck." She slowly picked up Rachel from Houses chest, her gaze meeting his as their arms brushed slightly. She smiled and began to walk to put Rachel in her crib in her room. "I'll be right back." she whispered to him.

After setting down a sleeping Rachel, Cuddy exhaled slowly. _He's still here! _Her heart rate sped up, as she leaned against her crib for support. What was she suppose to do now?

Fighting off the nerves, she entered again to her living room, laughing when she saw House lying on her couch faking sleep.

"Get up!" she smiled, rolling her eyes.

He cracked an eye open before shutting it again. "Your couch is cozy, sorry."

She sat down on the chair nearby, "Do you want anything to drink or eat?"

He sat up on the couch, "Nope, but thanks for offering!"

She laughed, "So what's going on House?"

"Nothing," he nodded, "Wilson mentioned the kid was sick when I asked where you were the other day. You didn't show up again today so I assumed it was pretty bad- although getting the kid to fall asleep was pretty easy, just give her a warm shoulder as her pillow."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, aren't you wonderful." Cuddy grinned as she sarcastically remarked.

He nodded, looking distant for a moment, like something was on his mind.

"Wait so you just decided you had nothing better to do then come over here?"

"To help?" he questioned. "Yep."

"And you didn't think...I don't know that Lucas might be here?" She was extremely confused now, thoughts of why House hadn't questioned her about Lucas not being here ringing a bell.

"Oh..well I kind of heard about it so I figured he wouldn't be here. That or I'd take my chances."

Lisa nodded, but then was curious how he found out.

"Wilson." he murmured, as if reading her thoughts.

Biting her lip, she nodded, still confused until-

"But I didn't tell Wilson we broke up.."

House moved slightly, seemingly nervous all of the sudden after being caught by her.

"House?" she asked, staring at him.

"He ahh, called me." and Cuddy waited but that's all he said.

"Lucas did? Why?"

"He told me that you guys broke up, that you ended things with him because.. I don't know he said a lot of things. I didn't realize he had my number still but I guess since that stake out thing I helped him with he never deleted it. He was pretty upset, probably drunk."

"Yeah." she nodded, very curious as to what House was hiding. She knew Lucas must have said more. "Well I'm sorry he did that. He shouldn't have called you."

And then he looked up at her, "Yeah?"

She stared back, unsure of what to say. Not really wanting to say anything, but to just stare back at him. It was a comfortable silence now with Rachel asleep.

"So," House finally said, "Why'd you end it?"

Caught off guard she thought for a moment, "Multiple reasons."

_That was vague,_ she thought.

"That was vague." House laughed, leaning back onto the couch.

_Freaky._

"Well what do you want to know? I don't know, why do people break up? It just wasn't working."

"Just like that?" he asked and she nodded.

He was quiet for a moment. "Are you sure it didn't have anything to do with him proposing?"

She groaned, "He told you about that?"

And House paused, "Several times. He was pretty upset. But hey, you don't want to marry him, you shouldn't have too."

She sighed, smiling at him but her smile disappeared when he continued, "Of course if it's because one person doesn't think they're good enough for the other-"

"Wow," she said frustrated, "Lucas really told you everything."

House smiled, "Well like I said, he sounded slightly intoxicated."

She shook her head, "Still. He shouldn't have called you."

"Don't apologize." he said suddenly. "I'm glad he called."

"Really?" she laughed slightly amused, "And why's that?"

He shrugged, "I'm glad he told me."

Surprised, Lisa stared at him, not sure of what to say. "You're glad?" she asked him to clarify again lamely.

"Yes. I'm glad you're not marrying him." he shook his head and then added, "If you weren't happy then you should have ended it."

She nodded still confused, "So that's it? That's why you're glad?"

He shook his head and looked up at her, "Lisa, of course that's not it."

She was quiet and then realized how grateful she was that they sat at different couches, afraid to be close to him. But she found herself unable to hide a smile.

"You're joking about not being good enough for him though, right?"

She laughed, shrugging her shoulders a little. "I said what he needed to hear. He didn't understand that for me happiness wasn't enough."

"So you were happy with him? Isn't happiness better than being alone?" he questioned.

She looked toward the ground, unsure of what to say but then answered honestly, "I don't know."

Silence spread over them and Lisa realized for the first time in two days she didn't feel as exhausted. It was like House her brought her a second round of energy.

Speaking more to herself she said softly, "Leave it to me to ruin another relationship."

He looked up, a look in his eyes overcoming him. A look so different it almost scared her.

"You screwed up?" he laughed. "Welcome to my life."

She shook her head as he continued.

"After we kissed, I went to your door the next night. I was going to tell you that I wanted more and then when I got there- I completely lost my nerve. I chickened out."

Lisa looked at him surprised at the sudden change of subject from her relationship with Lucas to hers with House. "Why?" she finally asked. "Why'd you chicken out? I wouldn't have turned you down." she said honestly, realizing what was the risk?

He shook his head. "I was afraid. I screwed up."

"Afraid of what? Of me?"

"Yes," he smiled, "you can be quite intimidating."

"Shut up!" she laughed, kicking him in his good leg softly.

He nodded, and then looked at the ground. "Honestly, it was like you said. I was afraid to be happy. In medical school- after the party, yeah I did get that call, and I wanted to tell you where I was going, I wanted to be able to call you and figure it out but I didn't. And it wasn't just because I figured there was no point. I was afraid of being happy and more than that I was afraid of rejection."

She nodded, thinking quietly. "Do you know why I never thanked you sooner for my desk?"

And he shook his head.

"I was going to thank you for it. I walked to your office and was prepared to demand that we try it out. I know you House, I've always known you. And I know when you're being defensive. And I do know you're afraid of rejection and failure. But I was going to demand you toughen up and fight for me." Cuddy said, smiling slightly at the memory. "But when I walked toward your office I saw you with someone. Some woman. And I couldn't force myself to confront you, worried that the feelings I had for you wouldn't be recipricated."

He stared at her as she nodded, "We're not too different House."

"I guess not," he breathed, not sure what to say next. It was nearly 11:30 and Cuddy was surprised at how quickly the time was passing.

"Lucas isn't too good for you." he whispered suddenly.

Looking up at him, she debated on what to say next. "And I was never too good for you."

He looked up at her, his eyes mesmerizing her; a clear light blue. He smiled.

"I should go." he finally murmured.

"You should." she nodded getting up to walk him to the door.

He grabbed his cane and followed her to the front door. But as she handed him his jacket he stumbled slightly trying to put his other arm through. She gasps but grabbed his arms quickly to steady him as he grabs her hip and leans into her.

"Are you okay?" she breathes, worried about his leg.

He doesn't say anything so she pulls away, letting go of his arms, worried that he's hurt. But she immediately realizes House's arm hasn't pulled away from her hip.

Pulling her head away from the crook of his neck she strains herself to look up at him and she's not surprised to see him staring intently back at her, his grip tightening slowly on her hip. His eyes that same dreamy, clear light blue.

--TBC--

--

I will update soon! Please review and let me know what you think! I'm pretty sure you'll all want the next chapter...(and possibly the last one!). Also **I'd like to ask you guys if you'd prefer I have next chapter stay T rated or perhaps M....I'm open to either idea!** Thanks guys for all the support and of course for reading :)


	6. Chapter 6

FINALLY UPDATED AND COMPLETED. It's been FOREVER. I'm so sorry! I totally forgot about it :/ But I've been meaning to post this for forever! Enjoy!

If you haven't read the past 5 chapters (cuz this story was written and posted last year around mid season 6) I recommend reading those chapters first!

Authors Note: As much as I loved _Now What_ I thought the dialogue was weak and not as playful as I imagined it. So hears my version...sorta..

**I don't own House! ;) (Definitely wouldn't let him marry a hooker..)**

* * *

_"I should go." he finally murmured._

_"You should." she nodded getting up to walk him to the door._

_He grabbed his cane and followed her to the front door. But as she handed him his jacket he stumbled slightly trying to put his other arm through. She gasps but grabbed his arms quickly to steady him as he grabs her hip and leans into her._

_"Are you okay?" she breathes, worried about his leg._

_He doesn't say anything so she pulls away, letting go of his arms, worried that he's hurt. But she immediately realizes House's arm hasn't pulled away from her hip._

_Pulling her head away from the crook of his neck she strains herself to look up at him and she's not surprised to see him staring intently back at her, his grip tightening slowly on her hip. His eyes that same dreamy, clear light blue._

They stared at each other for a few seconds, although feeling seemingly longer, until he drops his cane and brings his other hand to her cheek, caressing it softly.

She look into his eyes, seeing the fear, the timidness and she can't help but lean forward, "House." she whispers.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this," he says, and closes the distance.

When their lips meet it's a slow kiss a first, until House's coat and cane are dropped to the floor and he's backing her up against the wall.

"God," she breathes, pulling at his shirt so he leans up against her more.

He mutters her name softly, keeping her against the wall, both praying Rachel stays asleep. His mouths meets hers again until they both look up and stare at one another shortly, pausing, analyzing. Both realizing what could happen. Both hoping it will happen. Both getting that wonderful sensation of finally having what you've always wanted...

Their foreheads rest against one another until Cuddy ducks down to kiss his neck. He intakes sharply and she smiles, proud to have this effect on him.

Looking up at him again, she sees something else enter his eyes. Not love, not hate, not really anything in between. He almost looks like he's about to panic.

"House?"

He stares back at her, parallelized until a look of realization comes back to his face and he smiles slightly, shaking his head.

"Greg?"

He then kisses her again, but this time it's harder, fuller. More passionate.

She's worried, but can't help herself as she lets his tongue battle with hers. She wants to ask him if he's okay, if he doesn't want this.

"Cuddy," he whispers, still kissing her. "We shouldn't be doing this."

She feels her stomach sink somewhere low and starts to back away from him.

"Lucas." House murmurs.

She breathes out, relieved and rushes back into his arm, kissing him again.

He smiles and kisses her back as she begins to undo the buttons of his shirt. He backs her into the corner wall again, as they catch their breathes.

"Hey," Lisa says, cupping his cheek. "There's more than one reason I ended things with him."

"Yeah?"

"Yes." she clarifies and giggles seeing his happy, sweet smile. "I'm ready to be happy and in love. With you."

He kisses her again and then softly murmurs, "Finally."

His shirt's finally gone when they make their way to Cuddy's bedroom.

* * *

"God House.." she cries as he makes his way to her neck. He picks her up and opens the bedroom door. Putting her down, he kicks off his shoes and watches Cuddy make her way to the bed in only her bra and underwear.

"Cuddy" he sighed, "You're so gorgeous."

She giggles, "Thanks."

"I mean it!" he smiles, lifting his head to look into her eyes. Then trails his eyes down her body. "Hot damn!"

She smiles again. "Take off your pants House."

"Bossy!"

"I am the boss.." she replies with a laugh.

House covers Cuddy again in only his plaid boxers so that he's on top and they kiss again and again until their tongues meet and they groan shifting their pelvises against one another. And House pauses.

"Cuddy...I love you." he avoids her eyes as he continues. "And I've loved you for a long time."

She rubs his shoulders and continues to stroke down his back. "I know," and she sighs, "I've loved you for _too_ many years myself."

He audibly groans as she shifts against him again and Cuddy misinterprets.

"Oh, is your leg okay?"

House laughs, "My legs fine...my penis on the other hand.."

She giggles, "Ego much?"

He reaches behind her back. "This is coming off right now..." And House unclasps her bra and seeing Cuddy in nothing but her panties is a memory he had long yearned to see again. Cuddy topless; an image he'd never be able to get out of his head. Thank god.

"Oh.." and Cuddy's breathing speeds up as he palms her sex and kisses her breasts. "House.." She quickly tries shoving down his boxers but with him being inches taller than her it was a hard task to establish by herself. House kisses down her stomach and when he finally reaches her underwear, he looks up into her eyes.

She nods and he pulls the clothing from her body, finally seeing Cuddy in all of her glory again.

He stands up slowly, memorized by the sight of her body, and pushed his boxers down before gingerly lying a top her again.

"Ready?" he breathed heavily.

"Yes."

With her answer he pushed himself into her, making them both grasp from the sensation. She cries out his name over and over again as he pounds into her.

"Faster...oh god.." Cuddy murmured, slowly being brought to bliss.

House kissed her cheeks as he enters her again, making sure to go fast but keeping it gentle as to not hurt her.

It's when he brought his fingers down to her she screams, and cries out from her orgasm that House lets himself go.

Cuddy is instantly aware that they hadn't used protection. She's not immediately concerned, realizing there was no chance for pregnancy, and while she trusted House was clean, just to be safe, next time they'd have to use a condom.

_Next time. _Cuddy thought. _Wow._

House conveniently flipped them over so Cuddy now lies above him. She kisses his chest a few times, realizing exhaustion was hitting her a lot sooner than she'd thought it would.

_Guess I wasn't used to such a workout with Lucas.._

"Jesus." House moaned, dizzy from the sex, "You've still got it."

She laughed, "Back at ya."

He smiled, and wrapped his arms around her tightly.

She yawns a few times before closing her eyes.

"Sleep." she murmured. And House nods.

"House?"

"Mm hmm?" he asked, almost asleep.

"I really do like that desk."

House smiles and keeping his eyes closed, leans to kiss her forehead before laying back down again. "I'm glad."

And with that they were both asleep.

That morning she awoke not from the sun outside, nor from her daughter, but from the strong arm around her.

"House!" she giggles, thinking he was teasing her, but she stopped when she saw his face. He was still asleep and seemingly looking in pain.

_Nightmare?_ She thought.

"House, wake up." she breathed, and nudged him slightly.

He opened his eyes quickly, and sits up, looking around the room anxiously. Once he realizes where he is, he lies back on the bed, a look of horror still on his face.

She straddles him and grabbes his face in her palms. "What? What's wrong?"

He avoids her eyes until he can't anymore. "Is..." and he takes a few shallow breathes, "Is this real?"

At that moment Cuddy's heart breaks. And she nods rapidly. "Yes. Yes this is real."

"I'm not hallucinating?" he asks again, not totally convinced, although his face isn't as contorted in fear.

"Hmm." she sighs, a few tears streaming down her face now, "You're not on viciden. I'm not with Lucas. We're together. Finally." and she smiles, "I mean, if that's what you want."

He freezes for a few more seconds and then pulls her with him as he leans back on the bed. After kissing he forehead a few times, she feels him nod, "That's what I want."

She smiles, "Good."

"Mm hmm." he murmurs. "It's early."

"Yes." Cuddy agrees. "More time to sleep!"

He nods, "That...OR.." and he flips her over so he's on top of her again.

She laughs, "We just had sex a fews hours ago. You're telling me you're already up for another round?"

And he nods, proving himself as he grinds his pelvis into her. "I've got stamina baby! You're gonna have to get used to it if we're in a relationship."

"You want a relationship?" she says, grinning.

"Totally." he smiles back. And he kisses her as they begin picking up the pace.

"Finally." Cuddy smiles. Now she's not thinking about work, or the nanny that'll be there in an hour. All she's thinking about is him. House. The man that's been on her mind for nearly 20 years. The guy that got away. And she knew she'd never be making that mistake again. Never.

* * *

Thanks guys! Sorry again that took forever! (Nearly a year!) I'm thinking about writing more (after that Bombshells ep) but if I don't get a chance to this spring, look for my stuff next summer! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Appreciate all of it.

-Mads


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